It hit me hard. I was browsing through my testimonials and saw the two testimos which boyfriend wrote for me. I read again and again for god-knows-how many times. For the past 30mins, i've reading it over and over again. My cellphone vibrated. I glanced over immediately, thinking that it'll be my boyfriend. Apparently, its not. The next thing i know, i began tearing. I can't swallow it down anymore. Its too devastating to face the fact that my life will be completely devoid of you. I cried til my pillows were soaked with tears. For a moment, i thought there'll be this high possibility of me getting a dehydration. I just er, cry so hard.

I realised that im just an ex-girlfriend.
Its time to wake up.

Everything's lost. He's no longer there with me. We broke up on 11.12.2006, the day before it hits four months. Its been 5 days. I've been living in self-denial all these while. I didn't cry at all until today. It took me five days to accept this cold hard truth. Til now, i can still feel my heart sinking. Its like a bottomless pit. Tears ain't salty. They taste bitter. Even much more bitter compared to the previous time. Well, i only have myself to cry to. Yah, i only have myself.

Fortunately, its holidays now. I don't have to make sure i smile everynow and then to make myself and others feel good.

I'm really sorry for deluding myself and my beloved friends.

I don't know what i'm doing. Its really heartwrenching to go through this kinda shit again, for the second time. I feel like my heart's heavily broken into a million pieces. I thought we'll be able to make it. I really thought so. You're the one who assure me for that. You said you won't leave me but sad to say, you did. You fucking left me for the second time. I know you didn't want it. I know. It wasn't easy at all.

Things simply won't snap back into place anymore. Your presence makes those promises seem redundant.

Sorry that things turned out this way. I'm sure you feel bad about it too. So, i don't blame you. Both of us tried. We give and take but sometimes things just won't turn out the way we want it to be.
Now that its over, what else could it be? Accept it.

Thanks for putting up with my nonsense for so long.
Thanks for knowing me.
Thanks for being so patient with me.
Thanks for being there when i needed you.
Thanks for being my boyfriend.
Thanks for everything lil thing.
Thanks for making me your girlfriend.
Thanks for being you.
Thanks for appreciating.
Thanks for getting back together.
Thanks for loving me.



No one will be there to catch me anymore when i lose my balance on the train or bus. I'll miss holding your hands. I love the way how my hand always fit yours. I'll pick myself up and move on. I promise i will try and let go.

I've never been this sober.






Love.